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28-Nov-2017 20:58

I was to wear a floating cream dress, and he’d have his beard and a suit, and we’d be in a house of our own before my belly escaped from bondage and made a whore and a charlatan out of the pair of us.

‘But that wasn’t to be, for as soon as Dom Looney got wind of it he was out the gap, flapping like a chicken trying to outrun a fox. For the neighbours’ benefit I was gone away to work, but really I was being watched as I grew and grew and grew and the faces around me got longer and longer and longer.

No doubt the Mary-Anns would have called it my own fault and gloated at my situation – and that’s what they used to call it then, Robbie O’Donovan; a situation, or a problem, oh, something vague and fateful.

Well, the first thing I did was arrange a shotgun wedding in my head.

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